Chino Wearing, Wine Drinking, Nascar Loving Right Wing

I would not want to be Fred Thompson this morning, and no, not because of his sinful past lobbying for abortion rights. What put a hole in Fred’s camper shell was a slip up much more mundane. First, his face; he looks like he slept in it. And second, it seems Fred Thompson’s pickup truck that so impressed his Tennessee constituents, was a prop. It was a lease. It went back to the dealer as soon as the voters bought the image. As they say, ‘beware geeks behaving like hicks, driving pickup trucks with no dents on the back bumper, no cigarette stench from the ashtrays and no deer blood on the cargo bed.
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Fred, it is said, lobbied Bush 41 against the so called abortion “gag rule”. Now, when I was in high school the “gag rule” was generally touted as a sure fire prevention for pregnancy, but by 1980 it had come to mean not letting doctors and nurses discuss abortion, which is like not letting sex therapists discuss fellatio. It may not be your first choice but it beats most of the alternatives. See, the gag rule requires explanation and explanations tend to put voters to sleep.
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But missing an Elks club meeting because your hair stylist has to give you a $1,200 trim is something even an idiot skank like Ann Cold-Tits can understand. It means you are gay! Effete! Faggy! Or well groomed, which is the same thing. Fred Thompson has now proven to be is just another chino wearing limo riding, country club golfing, college educated, wine drinking NASCAR hating politician, and as big a lying faggot as John Edwards. Ah, Ann Cold-tits. You can always count on her to reduce a complex issue to the level of an idiot.
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What I don’t get is why Fred lied about it. If he had admitted his transgression there would have been a two day story. But by denying what 2/3rds of Washington, D.C. knows to be true gave Wolf Blintzes weeks and weeks of headlines. It was a stupid, stupid, stupid, thing to say, Fred. All you had to say was, “Yes, I lobbied for the abortion rights side. But I was no good at it on purpose.” Instant hero; champion for the unborn and unthinking. And
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Fred, I don’t wish to insult your constituents any more than you already have but you could have bull-shitted these people with darn near anything. They are desperate to believe that somewhere out there is a white knight for the conservative right, willing to deny reality and defy logic to represent the hardcore chino wearing limo riding, country club golfing, college educated, wine drinking NASCAR hating right wing Neo-Cons. You could have been that White Knight, Fred. And now, you’re just another page boy.
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Still, I would rather be Fred Thomson than Mitt-the-Twit. Mitt was not caught in a lie – unless you call recanting everything he said while running for and being governor of Massachusetts – the old ‘are you lying now or were you lying then’ conundrum. No, what Mitt did was worse. Mitt- the-Twit strapped his Irish setter, Seamus, to the roof of his Country Squire station wagon and proceeded to head off down the highway on family vacation with the pooch wailing like a siren and pooping like a gringo in Puerto Vallarta. And his kid told the Boston Globe this story because he thought it showed the human side of his dad, sort of like the boys reminiscing about the good old times at a cannibals’ convention.
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Needless to say most people who love dogs, or at least tolerate dogs, or at least disapprove of torturing and terrifying dogs, were appalled by the story. And adding in the votes of women who have been forced to sit through something equally as heartless and stupid their boy friends or husbands have done, and Mitt-the- Twit couldn’t bet elected dogcatcher in Cat Town. And now his punishment is visible.
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The web site is dogsagainstromney.blogspot.com/ and it features the following testimonial from Rusty, who is, presumably, a dog.
“Seamus…passed away over 20 years ago. But he has come back to bit Mitt over the less-than-compassionate treatment he received from the Romneys….We at Dogs against Romney are howling mad over poor Seamus’ treatment…but we are even more concerned about the Romneys’ cavalier attitude about it today (and what it says about Mitt’s character. Please join us in helping get justice for Seamus!”
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Remarkably well written for a beast without thumbs, and one “reader” named Spot replied, “Woof! Woof! Grrrr. Mitt! GrrrrrRwol!”. Rascal pleaded, “Please don’t let Mitt scare puppies any more”. And Gort (Which I believe was the name of the giant alien robot in “The Day The Earth Stood Still”) wrote “My dog was also outraged and wants to establish a National Vet Insurance Program. He also wants some politician to guarantee a Milkbone in every supper dish.”
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What an articulate if right leaning dog. But forget the dogs for a moment. People remember stories like this, and they bear grudges about them. About the only thing Mitt could have done worse was to claim he was some kind of hunter, or even worse that he liked NASCAR after reading some faggoty woman’s book about NASCAR and seeing one race. Ann Cold-Tits would have a field day with that one. I don’t know about you but I think the Democrats would have to be idiots to get beaten by these jokers come the fall of 2008.
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And as we all know, nobody can be bigger idiots than the Democrats.
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