Christopher Hitchens is Such a Bone Head!

I believe the world can be divided into an infinite number of two set groups; i.e., The fools and the foolish. Fools think that obviously the world is screwed up because a secrete cabal is running everything. The foolish prefer to believe that the world is screwed up because, obviously, nobody is in charge. Under these definitions the foolish tend to be romantics and fools tend to be narcissists.
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But in “Cat’s Cradle” my fellow Hoosier, Kurt Vonnegut, created the religion of “Bonkonism” which divided humanity between groups who do God’s will without knowing what they are doing - a “Karrass” - and false groups that are meaningless to God’s intentions, known as Grandfalloons. According to Vonnegut, Hoosiers are a Grandfalloon. And a “Wampeter” is the pivot of a karass. In this view of the universe everyone is a romantic but none of it matters.
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But in either ethos there are those rare individuals who by dint of intellect and ego may be a member of various groups at various times, but who always form their own distinct sub-set within all others. They are always narcissists. They are always the Wampeter of their own Grandfalloon. These are the boneheads, represented by Christopher Hitchens.
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I caught this limey neo-con groupie on “Hardball” last week, and yes, I swore I would never watch Hardball again because he shouts so much and after Chris Mathews suggested repeatedly that revealing the name of an undercover CIA agent was just “hardball politics”, but I do occasionally hit the wrong button while channel switching and there was Chris Mathews with his mouth open but silent for once, nonplused, as Hitchens said, and I quote, “that doesn’t prove there were no weapons of mass destruction, it just means we didn’t find any…” And this was not a repeat program from 2004. This was Christopher Hitchens fresh out of Pandora’s box proudly wearing his denial of reality like an infected nose ring. What a bone head.
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Well, what to you expect from a guy who was a Trotskyite while at Oxford. Trotsky was a cold blooded killer who was absolutely convinced he was right every time he changed his mind – sort of like Hitchens. Trotsky killed anybody who disagreed with him, which could be anybody since he changed his mind so often, sort of like Hitchens. And Trosky managed to reduce himself to a comic figure in a larger tragedy, much as Hitchens was doing on Hardball.
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Geez, Christopher, even Cheney isn’t beating that horse anymore, at least not in public. Do we have to call the ASPCA on you?
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I don’t know, but maybe Hitchens proclaimed himself a Trotskyist just to get laid. You know how Oxford and Harvard women love intellectual ‘bad boys’. But come on Christopher, enough with the “Don’t I sound outrageous” act. You’re approaching sixty, man. You don’t sound outrageous anymore, you sound like you’ve got Alzheimer’s. You sound like you walked into the closet and then demanded to know why it was so dark outside, thus proving that what you have in common with the neo-cons is that you’re all too arrogant to admit you walked through the wrong door. Again.
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You were wrong about Iraq, you were wrong to call Clinton a rapist, you were wrong to be an atheist (and I say this on behalf of all atheists on God’s green Earth) and, God knows, you are wrong about being Jewish. Circumcision does not make you Jewish, Christopher, unless you do it in public, and I’d pay to see that.
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Besides, have you not noticed, Christopher, how many of your manifestations have proven profitable to you? It’s almost as if you have been searching for the truth along the Laffer Curve.
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Mr. Hitchens, you have become living proof that intellect without a moral compass may be entertaining to watch as it spins round and around, trying to point at all Norths at the same time, but it doesn’t get you anywhere. Trying to follow it will just make you dizzy.
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And how are we ever going to know if Christopher ever figures out what he actually stands for, if his last position could be just the last “outrageous thing” he said before he died?
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Give it up, Christopher. We haven’t found any weapons of mass destruction….the dream is dead, Chris. The U.N. found no radioactive by-product residue even before the war started. And chemical weapons all have the shelf life of your last book. And I suspect your current conversion to neo-crony atheism may have been your last flip, simply because another flip will require that you turn yourself so far inside out, I’m betting the zipper on your costume would snap.
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You bought a lemon, Christopher. Don’t make Lemon aid with it. Put it on some fish, and then throw the fish away.
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I think you know now that would be the right thing to do. And maybe you’re trying to do it. That would explain why you were on Chris Mathews’ show, saying something so unbelievably stupid that you actually shut Mathews up. I didn’t think that Richard Nixon could shut up Mathews.
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Now who do we find who could shut up Christopher Hitchens?
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