Political Theatrics

I don’t know how he said it with a straight face. Senator Jon Kyl, Republican from Arizona, and admittedly not the brightest bulb on the Republican side of the aisle, denounced the beginning of the Democratic all night session setting up yet another attempt to end the Iraq war, calling it “…nothing more than a publicity stunt”, leaving me with the tremendous urge to ask of the Senator, “Yea, and so what? It’s politics, for Christs’s sake. What did you think it was going to be about, substance or something?” How politicians manage to say the dumbest, most stupidest things with a straight face, without bursting into insane laughter or throwing up or sobbing inconsolably is beyond me. Compared to this skill, lying must be a piece of cake. But if you can walk and talk like an idiot without actually being an idiot, you too could be a United States Senator. But if you are in fact as stupid as you sound then you have to stay in the House of Representatives. I think it’s a law.
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The Democrats had those poor guys from the General Services Administration haul twenty cots out of storage from someplace and lug them all the way across town to Capital Hill to set them up in what the Washington Post called “…a ceremonial room..” (How appropriately named). Then they dragged out the pillows and sheets and I just hope nobody over-dosed on the mothball stench. This stuff was supposed to be used in case of a nuclear attack. I’m sure we are all much happier that it has been reduced to props in a bit of political theatre.
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Then the interns were sent out to buy mouth wash and toothpaste and snack foods. Can you picture Jimmy Stewart in “Mr. Smith Goes to Washington”, his voice cracking, his tie undone, his hair all disheveled and his little senate desk piled high with empty Pringles tubes and crumpled bags of Bugles? Well, I can. I really can. And they bought deodorant, too. Thank God for that. You know how forgetful most Senators are about their personal hygiene.
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It’s politics! If it wasn’t for the theatrics, politics would be political science, with charts and numbers and balance sheets and as a system of government that couldn’t possibly work. Twenty-five hundred years ago Alcibides, the greatest political weasel of all time, betrayed his native Athens to the Spartans, then betrayed the Spartans back to the Athenians, and then betrayed the Athenians and Spartans to the Persians. He lied to everybody and yet everybody believed him at one time or another. Of course he used theatrics. And so did his enemies. Theatrics is the whole point, the reason de arte of politics. That’s why they call them political parties and not dull and boring things.
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And coming from members of the party that used theatrics to get us into this war (the old mushroom cloud routine) the charge of using theatrics to try to end the war is worse than laughable; it’s boring. Every state of the union speech is theatrics (and in Bush’s case, theatre of the absurd.) Every Senate roll call is theatrics. Those late night speeches in front of empty chambers? Theatrics. The Contract With America? Theatrics. The Terry Schiavo bill? Bad theatrics, really bad theatrics. You cannot possibly believe these college educated SIS’ers (stiffs in the Senate) believe the crap they spew out for the noise machine. But they spew what they have to spew to get reelected. He who spews the best gets the best elected.
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Senator Barak Obama, flew in from a campaign thing in Cincinnati to meet a midnight quorum vote. Theatrical; and theatrics matter. Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (Republican from Kentucky, asserted, “If they want to debate all night, we’ll be here. Plenty of volunteers will be here to discuss this issue as long as you like.” Theatrica.
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Said Joe “The Schmo” Lieberman, Independent from Hell and Rhode Island, “Redeployment is nothing but a mandate for defeat.” Pretty theatrical phrase, Joe; I would almost call it hyper-theatrical. Republican Lamar Alexander, Republican from Tennessee, lamented, “Instead of gamesmanship we should try to put together a unified position.” Translated from political theatrical speech that means looking for CYA, or Cover Your Ass.
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Political Theatrics? You bet your sweet bippee, babe. And there is nothing wrong with that. It’s just politics.