Queen For A Day

I guess they just have a different attitude in New Orleans. And I like it. When I went looking on the New Orleans Picayune website for a the local angle on the trouble their local boy was in because of a certain “madam”, I was startled to see, on the front page, a photo of the stately looking abode at 4332 Canal Street, which the caption identified as a “brothel” And it was the former “Brothel Queen” (self described) of this establishment, Jeanette Maier, who told the Associated Press, “It wasn’t all about dirty, raunchy, crazy sex.”. Yea, well, maybe not but that’s all any of us are interested in, sweetheart, so cut the testimonial and make with the details! I want to hear all about the dirty, raunchy, crazy sex. And then, if we have time left over, you can fill me in on the boring stuff about political hypocrisy.
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We’re talking about Senator David Vitter, yet another one of those holier-than-thou Republican born again bean counters who turns out to have feet of clay and a penis that gets around more than Thomas Cook. Vitter was already on the religious right’s snit list because his phone number turned up on the do-call list of Deborah Jeane Palfrey, the so called D.C. Madam - which makes it sound as if every city has only one madam at a time, like a major league hockey team. But, says Jeanette Maier, he also visited her ‘little slice of heaven’ on Canal Street once a week. “He’s not a freak,” Maier told the A.P. “He’s not using drugs. He’s not using taxpayers’ money to buy hookers or drugs or anything like that. He’s just a decent, normal guy.”
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Well, I beg to differ, because none of the normal guys I know can afford to pay a hooker once a week without embezzling from somebody. And if, as Ms. Maier says, “it wasn’t all about the sex…he just wanted to have somebody listen to him”, then allow me to point out the he could have gotten a pretty damn good professional therapist to treat him for $300 an hour, which is what Vitter’s favorite ‘lady of the evening’, Wendy Cortez, was charging. Obviously Senator Vitter wasn’t looking to examine his inner life so much as let it out of his pants.
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But again, I like the idea. I like the idea that Ms. Maier worked as a prostitute, as did her mother and daughter. I happen to think the idea it was a family business is “dirty” in all the good meanings of that word. After all, what is prostitution except a lot of grunting and sweating with the added threat of disease and violence all wrapped up in a nice soft blanket of fantasy. Ms. Maier suspects, by the way, that “Wendy Cortez” may not have been the woman’s real name. Now why would a woman working as a prostitute not give her real name, since the many men who frequent prostitutes were, as she described Senator Vitter, “…just…guys coming over, hanging out with the girls and having a few cocktails.”
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It’s been at least 10,000 years that the righteous have been trying to eliminate prostitution and so far the score is about “Righteousness 3, Dirty fun, 10,000. Why do we keep going through this, generation after generation, culture after culture? I almost get the feeling that all those free thinkers know damn well there is something unpleasant about prostitution, and all the no-thinkers are in denial about reality. And frankly, I’m getting pretty bored with both of them.
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Meanwhile, in Britain, the “Queen of England” is in the papers for throwing a hissy-fit, what the Brit’s call a “wobbler”, a “strop” or a “snapper” and what The Guardian called “A high dudgeon.” This happened a year ago, but it’s just coming out now because the entire episode was caught by the BBC, which was filming “A Year With The Queen”. The show is about to air, which explains why this is all going public now.
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It seems the dear old lady was sitting for a portrait by Anne Leibovitz, dressed in crown and her massive velvet garter robe with 4 foot train, when Annie had a bright idea. Remember, this is the same lady who tied up Clint Eastwood with rope and photographed a vastly pregnant Demi Moore in her birthday suit. Annie suggested the queen might look “less dressy” without the crown because, “…the garter robe is so…”, at which point the Queen looked shocked and then barked back, “Less dressy? What do you think this is? I’m not changing anything.” And she stormed out of the room, with a “flunky” trying to catch the train.
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As one of the Queen’s other flunkies pointed out, “They are her royal robes. Of course they’re dressy. That’s the whole point.” And it is, too. Without the robes Elizabeth is just a little old lady everybody calls the Queen, just without her camera Annie Liebovitz is just another pushy New York broad and without a stiff drink Jeanette Maier is just a tired whore. God love them all. But all these ladies are professionals and the Queen came back and Annie photographed her in the crown, but they lost the robe. And Jeanette says she is appalled that the D.C. Madam is releasing the names of her clients.
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Being a Queen carries certain responsibilities and duties, you know.

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