The Evolution of Paranoia

I believe in the general rule that the level of mental stability amongst most politicians goes down as you descend from federal to state to local representatives, if for no other reason than that national politicians have more opportunities to be publicly revealed as raving, grass-eating moon-baying anti-Semitic lunatics – which tends to weed out the craziest ones as they run for higher office. The most recent example of this is a quietly disconnected state representative, Ben Bridges, a Republican from White County, Georgia, zip code 30528.
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If you drive north from Atlanta on I-85 to exit 113 in Gainsville, (most famous nationally as the home of the 47 year old woman who married a 15 year old boy. Thank goodness neither of them was gay!), and then follow state road 129 North until you turn left on Underwood Street in the small community of Cleveland, and you arrive at “Babyland General Hospital”, where Cabbage Patch dolls enter the world. Just down the street is the largest Yamaha Golf Cart dealer in Georgia, and the Gateway Health and Drug Rehabilitation Center. You have now reached the navel of Representative Bridges’ 10th district.
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This used to be Cherokee land but in 1828 somebody found gold in Dukes Creek and the native Americans were quickly were shown the Trail of Tears out. The almost 20,000 folks who now reside in aptly named White County (less than 2,000 in the county seat) are 85% Caucasian, 10% African-American and less than 2% Hispanic And from the top of Anna Ruby Falls, through the faux-Bavarian streets of Helen and the village of Mount Yonah, along the gentle canyons of the Nacoochee Valley to the Testnatee Gap, the 10th district is inbred Southern Baptist, ad nauseous.
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In 1966 Ben Bridges traded in his life as a small town barber to join the Georgia Highway patrol, rising over 20 years to the rank of Captain, and credited with saving 4 lives. He was elected state representative in 1996 and during his second year of service (1998), Rep. Bridges introduced House Bill 1133, the intent of which was…
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“To amend Part 2 of Article 6 of Title 20 of the Official Code of Georgia Annotated, relating to…core curriculum in elementary and secondary schools, so as to provide for the presentation of certain scientific evidence…”
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The object of 1133 was to equate the scientific theory of evolution with the religious dogma of creationism. But it engendered little enthusiasm so the next year (1999) Bridges reintroduced the measure, and the next year, and the next. In 2006 the bill was labeled HB 179.
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“(a) Whenever any theory of the origin of human beings or other living things is included in a course of study offered by a local unit of administration, factual scientific evidence supporting or consistent with evolution theory and factual scientific evidence inconsistent with or not supporting the theory shall be included in the course of study.”
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Now, there is nothing extraordinary about Bridges’ repeated attempts to deny the logic of Charles Darwin’s postulations: madding, but not extraordinary. But what is extraordinary is that when Marshall Hall, the husband of Bonny Hall, Bridges’ long time campaign manager, asked to distribute a memo under Ben Bridges name and reputation, Bridges agreed. And that was extraordinary because of the memo itself. It read:
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“I, like others, have made several attempts to challenge the evolution monopoly in the schools. These attempts have been in vain…the courts have ruled that “creation science” (I.D.) has a religious agenda and thus is in violation of the “establishment clause” of the U.S. Constitution…All that can now be changed! Indisputable evidence — long hidden but now available to everyone — demonstrates conclusively that so-called ‘secular evolution science’ is the Big-Bang 15-billion-year alternate ‘creation scenario’ of the Pharisee Religion. This scenario is derived concept-for-concept from Rabbinic writings in the mystic ‘holy book’ Kabbala dating back at least two millennia. Evidence…shows conclusively that “Evolution Science” has a very specifically religious agenda, and (as with “Creation Science”) cannot legally be taught in taxpayer funded schools, according to the constitution.”
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The memo directs the readers to visit three web sites to examine “evidence” consisting largely of badly spelled anti-Semitic self-contradicting hooey, what the Huston Chronicle called a “…mix of nonsense, free-floating anti-Semitism (and)…seemingly obliviousness…”, much of it contained on “The Fair Education Foundation, Inc”, of which, it turns out, Mr. Hall is the president of: “Exposing the False Science Idol of Evolutionism, and Proving the Truthfulness of the Bible from Creation to Heaven since 1973”. The site insists that the earth does not revolve around the Sun, and neither does it rotate, and warns that evolution is actually a secret plot to indoctrinate students in an ancient Jewish sect. The memo then concludes:
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“I hope you will join me in presenting a BILL (sic) with this content in your state. It will WIN (sic) in the courts. Together we can stop the misuse of billions in taxes now funding a deception that is causing incalculable harm to every student and every truth-loving citizen. (The solution for future science instruction after science is expelled from the schools is also contained in the…links.) Feel free to copy and forward this memo to others you know.”
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If I were a skeptic I might inquire as to why, after 33 years of “exposure”, evolution is more popular than ever, but that would be cruel and the point is that after Mr. Hall forwarded his little bombshell to like minded state legislators in California, Pennsylvania, Ohio and Texas, the creation manure really hit the fan.
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The bomb arrived on the desk of the “second most powerful” politician in Texas, chairman of the Texas House Appropriations Committee, Rep. Warren Chisum, who immediately forwarded it to anybody and everybody on his e-mail list. Inevitably somebody with two active neurons to rub together read it and figured it was time to tell a responsible adult. They “leaked” the memo to the Jewish Defense League, which was officially offended. “Your memo”, the JDL wrote to Chisum and Bridges, “conjures up repugnant images of Judaism used for thousands of years to smear the Jewish people as cult-like and manipulative,” and demanded a public apology.
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Like cockroaches running for cover when the lights are turned on, every politician on the forwarding list now claimed they never saw the memo, never read the memo or were offended by it. Charlie Howard, a “religious conservative Republican” from Sugar Land, Texas (Tom Delay’s old base), announced, “I don't agree with bashing Jews, that's for sure. I don't agree with bashing any ethnic or religious group."
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Chisum claimed he was just being “A Good Samaritan” in forwarding the memo. "If that's a sin,” he said, “well, shoot me.” But he also distanced himself from the anti-Semitic “goofy stuff” on the web sites, which he insisted he had not visited, “…which I understood maybe I should've done." He added, “The stuff that causes conflicts between religious beliefs, you know, I'd never be a party to that. I'm willing to apologize if I've offended anyone."
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If, did he say?
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But poor old Ben Bridges was going to have a harder time getting out from under the mess because, after all, his name was on the memo. But he tried. “I did not put it out nor did I know it was going out. I’m not defending it or taking up for it.” Still, to the JDL, Bridges had no apology. “I regret that these people have been offended, but I didn’t offend them because I didn’t put the memo out.”
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However Mr. Hall refused to play the fall guy for Bridges. “I gave him a copy of it months ago,” Hall said. At which point Bridges was forced to admit he “doesn’t necessarily disagree” with the missive. “I agree with it more than I would the Big Bang Theory or the Darwin Theory. I am convinced that rather than risk teaching a lie, why teach anything?”
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And that could be the fall back position for the entire anti-evolution movement: just don’t teach anything. Back to the cabbage patch, people!
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