I hav
e asked myself many times that, given that the founding fathers (and mothers) could not have been smarter then we are, nor more moral than the current generation of Christians (and Jews and Muslims and Hindus, etc.), were not better or worse liars, crooks, thieves, cheats, idiots, fools or sanctimonious jackasses then we are, how is it they were able to create “a more perfect union” while the current congress doesn’t seem capable of creating orig
ami? And at last I have stumbled upon the obvious solution. The founding fathers ate organic fruits and vegetables - and I’m talking real organic, not the modern marketing ploy organic -; fertilized with real animal and human waste and containing enough insect larvae to substantially increase the protein content. Add an occasional helping of slightly spoiled meat and a little lead in the water supply and they were eating the Breakfast of Champions, and the lunch of Nation Builders.
*
A
s an example, the current Repub leadership in Congress has adopted the strategy of constantly offering to every bill an amendment that would eliminate all public funding for medical care for illegal aliens. It’s another of the “wedge” issues they love so much, but if this was really such a good idea why didn’t the Repubs move on it during the last decade when they were running the Congress? The conceit is that not a single respected public health professional is in favor of such a scheme because it would create an incubator for all sorts of diseases which would, as they have done repeatedly in the past, periodically explode into the general population and sicken even legal citizens. The basic rule of public health is that it is much cheaper to prevent an epidemic than to stop one. Not that any of that is relevant to politics.
*
Every time the Repubs offer their amendment it must be voted on,
and since amendments can be approved by a simple majority the Demos have to keep enough bodies on the House floor at all times to defeat the amendment, and the Repubs have to keep enough bodies on the floor to make each vote a viable threat. This strategy makes sure nobody gets much work done and leaves both sides of the aisle annoyed as hell, thus making it easier to fuel partisanship
*
So on August 2nd, when the Repubs tried once again to tack on their amend
ment to an agriculture funding bill, John Murtha, Demo from Pennsylvania who was filling in as temporary speaker while Nancy Pelosi was trying to get some actual work done, chose to not hear those attempts. And when the vote was taken the weary electronics malfunctioned, inspiring Repub charges that the vote on the amendment had been “stolen”. After stewing over Mr. Murtha’s “insult” for more than 24 hours, shortly after 9pm the next day, the Repubs offered a rambling motion of censure against Mr. Murtha, at which point an exhausted and frustrated House Majority Leader Steny Hoyer (Demo from Maryland) took the floor and barked, “Madam Speaker, enough is enough.”
*
Rep
Ellen Tauscher, also filling in for Ms. Pelosi, was distracted by the parliamentarian at the desk for a moment and then had to ask, “Does the gentleman have a motion?” Mr. Hoyer, now calmer, responded, “Madam Speaker, I move to table the resolution.” At which point Repub. Leader John Boehner (from Ohio) jumped to his feet and quickly asked a question of privilege, that , “…isn’t it correct that the gentleman from Maryland engaged in debate, which allows the House to then proceed for up to one hour of debate on this resolution?” But Rep Tauscher pointed out that, “The chair did yet rule that the question constitutes a question of privilege.” She then went on, “The question (under consideration) is on the motion to table. All those in favor say aye, (vote taken), all those opposed say no (vote taken). In the opinion of the chair, the ayes have it.” And that was the end of the motion to censure John Murtha. Sort of.
*
The next day House Repubs found a new reason to be infuriated (after a 90 minute strategy session) when the congressional record did not quote Congressman Hoyer fully, editing out the offending phrase, “…enough is enough…”. The question was, according to Boehner, “…a breach of trust between the Democratic majority and the American people…”, an overstatement given that few people had the time or the energy to consider the position of either party.
*
It was a tempest all right, a parliamentary war waged with motions and em
otions, gambles and gamesmanship, privileges and priorities, minutes and minutia from Robert’s Rules of Order, a great sound and fury, as the poet says, signifying nothing except the ill-humor of the participants. And it all could be solved, I have come to believe, if the politicians involved could just have a good bowl movement. Everybody is more reasonable after a good bowl movement. Everybody is happier after a good healthy dump. And that is what I mean when I say that Rep. John Boehner is a real shit. I mean not that he is one, but that he should take one.
*
Now, when I say he is a real dick-head, that’s what I mean.
- 30 -
e asked myself many times that, given that the founding fathers (and mothers) could not have been smarter then we are, nor more moral than the current generation of Christians (and Jews and Muslims and Hindus, etc.), were not better or worse liars, crooks, thieves, cheats, idiots, fools or sanctimonious jackasses then we are, how is it they were able to create “a more perfect union” while the current congress doesn’t seem capable of creating orig
ami? And at last I have stumbled upon the obvious solution. The founding fathers ate organic fruits and vegetables - and I’m talking real organic, not the modern marketing ploy organic -; fertilized with real animal and human waste and containing enough insect larvae to substantially increase the protein content. Add an occasional helping of slightly spoiled meat and a little lead in the water supply and they were eating the Breakfast of Champions, and the lunch of Nation Builders.*
A
s an example, the current Repub leadership in Congress has adopted the strategy of constantly offering to every bill an amendment that would eliminate all public funding for medical care for illegal aliens. It’s another of the “wedge” issues they love so much, but if this was really such a good idea why didn’t the Repubs move on it during the last decade when they were running the Congress? The conceit is that not a single respected public health professional is in favor of such a scheme because it would create an incubator for all sorts of diseases which would, as they have done repeatedly in the past, periodically explode into the general population and sicken even legal citizens. The basic rule of public health is that it is much cheaper to prevent an epidemic than to stop one. Not that any of that is relevant to politics.*
Every time the Repubs offer their amendment it must be voted on,
and since amendments can be approved by a simple majority the Demos have to keep enough bodies on the House floor at all times to defeat the amendment, and the Repubs have to keep enough bodies on the floor to make each vote a viable threat. This strategy makes sure nobody gets much work done and leaves both sides of the aisle annoyed as hell, thus making it easier to fuel partisanship*
So on August 2nd, when the Repubs tried once again to tack on their amend
ment to an agriculture funding bill, John Murtha, Demo from Pennsylvania who was filling in as temporary speaker while Nancy Pelosi was trying to get some actual work done, chose to not hear those attempts. And when the vote was taken the weary electronics malfunctioned, inspiring Repub charges that the vote on the amendment had been “stolen”. After stewing over Mr. Murtha’s “insult” for more than 24 hours, shortly after 9pm the next day, the Repubs offered a rambling motion of censure against Mr. Murtha, at which point an exhausted and frustrated House Majority Leader Steny Hoyer (Demo from Maryland) took the floor and barked, “Madam Speaker, enough is enough.”*
Rep
Ellen Tauscher, also filling in for Ms. Pelosi, was distracted by the parliamentarian at the desk for a moment and then had to ask, “Does the gentleman have a motion?” Mr. Hoyer, now calmer, responded, “Madam Speaker, I move to table the resolution.” At which point Repub. Leader John Boehner (from Ohio) jumped to his feet and quickly asked a question of privilege, that , “…isn’t it correct that the gentleman from Maryland engaged in debate, which allows the House to then proceed for up to one hour of debate on this resolution?” But Rep Tauscher pointed out that, “The chair did yet rule that the question constitutes a question of privilege.” She then went on, “The question (under consideration) is on the motion to table. All those in favor say aye, (vote taken), all those opposed say no (vote taken). In the opinion of the chair, the ayes have it.” And that was the end of the motion to censure John Murtha. Sort of.*
The next day House Repubs found a new reason to be infuriated (after a 90 minute strategy session) when the congressional record did not quote Congressman Hoyer fully, editing out the offending phrase, “…enough is enough…”. The question was, according to Boehner, “…a breach of trust between the Democratic majority and the American people…”, an overstatement given that few people had the time or the energy to consider the position of either party.
*
It was a tempest all right, a parliamentary war waged with motions and em
otions, gambles and gamesmanship, privileges and priorities, minutes and minutia from Robert’s Rules of Order, a great sound and fury, as the poet says, signifying nothing except the ill-humor of the participants. And it all could be solved, I have come to believe, if the politicians involved could just have a good bowl movement. Everybody is more reasonable after a good bowl movement. Everybody is happier after a good healthy dump. And that is what I mean when I say that Rep. John Boehner is a real shit. I mean not that he is one, but that he should take one.*
Now, when I say he is a real dick-head, that’s what I mean.
- 30 - 
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