
I am very unhappy with Sir Derek Jacobi. He’s the actor, probably best known as star of the BBC series “I, Claudius”, who has officially signed on with a group tying to sell the idea that William Shakespeare did not write the plays of William Shakespeare. And before your eyes glaze over allow me to explain that Will Shakespeare was not that different then the average person today. His father was a successful politician, wealthy and well connected and probably stuck up as hell. As a teenager Will got his girlfriend pregnant and was forced to marry her, and then, in his early twenties, he ran out on her and their three daughters, and then made a nice living as an actor and 14th century sex symbol and who probably had many meaningless affairs, perhaps with members of both sexes, but who also continued to provide for his family at great economic sacrifice to himself. And just because he lived before the invention of the iPhone he is not considered relevant. Posh! Not relevant: a bisexual philander? They are always relevant in the liberal arts community! Listen, if he were alive today Will would be just at least as big as Kevin Federline, perhaps bigger because Will could write his own name without moving their lips.
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John Shakespeare, the father, was a landowner and politician, with a

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Most people in London knew Will as an actor, but we know he wrote poetry because there is a 1593 copy of “Venus and Adonis” and a 1594 copy of “The Rape of Lucrene” with dedications signed ‘William Shakespeare”. “Even as the sun with purple-colored face – Had ta’en his last leave of the weeping morn – Rose-checked Adonis hied him to the chase; - Hunting he loved, but love he laughed to scorn”. Okay, it’s not up to the standard of “Gimmie Some More”, but this was before the invention of white trash millionaires such as Brittney Spears.
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Doubters like Sir Jacobi like to point out that there are no copies of Will’s plays or poetry from the 1590’s with him listed as the author,


The usual argument given by the antistratfordians is that Will was the front man for a nobleman who could not publicly admit to being involved in the theat

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But Will’s plays were popular and profitable, with lots of violence and sex. Whoever wrote this stuff, this was not the average stuff. And the works have survived for 500 years because they are extraordinary and because in 1624, after Will’s death, Richard Burbridge, Will’s friend and fellow actor and fellow investor in the company, made sure the plays were preserved using the still novel invention of printing. Thank God he didn’t record them on Betamax.
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But why does Sir Jacobi think that a common jerk could not have written “To be or not to be, that is the question…” (Hamlet) or “Out damn spot. Out” (MacBeth), or “Oh, ye fen sucked fogs!”(King Lear)? Considering that everything attributed to Will was based on earlier works by classic authors like Plato and Plutarch, not to mention that most prolific writer in the ancient world, Ann Ominous, it is clear that Will knew the first rule of good writing; steal only from the best and steal often.
In ten years in London’s theatre community,
generally a hand to mouth existence then as now, Will made enough money to buy the second largest house in Stratford, to keep Anne and the children comfortable and quiet, even while he remained in London. If he was not the writer of plays, where did that money come from? Crack hadn’t been invented yet, nor had tobacco. How was Will able to afford a partnership in the Rose playhouse unless it was as compensation for the content he created for the company? And where did he get enough money to buy those snazzy little leotards everybody wore?
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There are always other explanations and theories as to how and why Will
Shakespeare could not have written all of these magnificent plays. But if not Shakespeare, then who; if not Shakespeare, then why: If not Shakespeare then Whatzzup? All other theories as to the plays authorship require a conceit of some kind, some slight of hand and trick of hidden identities and women disguised as men and men in horse suits with stolen credit cards, the kind of crap that Will used in most of his plays. Nobody would ever believe that crap. But always the simplest explanation is that Will Shakespeare wrote Shakespeare. And that’s why every one at the time said he did.
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In 1634, almost 20 years after Will’s death, a Lieutenant noted that his militia company stopped at Stratford where, “…that famous English poe
t, Mr. William Shakespeare, was born …”. Now, popular culture today may give credit to some who do not deserve it, (like Brittney Spears) and that happened in the 17th century as well. But, all those people are dead. And again, what is more likely, that in an age when the printed word was still subservient to the spoken one, that a writer known for his scribbled poems would be misidentified as the author of well known plays, or that Shakespeare was who we think he was and that Derek Jacobi is just full of hoo hoo?
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In 1610, when the twins were old enough to be married and out of the house, Will returned to Stratford and, perhaps even to Anne. He died there in 1616, as proven by his will, which details the division a rather large estate, including several properties in London. The length and complexity of that document indicates a successful man but it also makes the petty little item about leaving Anne his “second best bed” stand out even more strongly. It just cries out for an answer to the question, “Who got his first best bed?”
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In ten years in London’s theatre community,

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There are always other explanations and theories as to how and why Will

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In 1634, almost 20 years after Will’s death, a Lieutenant noted that his militia company stopped at Stratford where, “…that famous English poe

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