How To Insult A Politician: ADIEU, ADIOS, ALBERTO

I believe it was Harry Truman who said, “If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog.” He might have added that then, when you leave town, put the dog down. But who was it who said, “If you can’t handle criticism you shouldn’t be in government”? Oh, yea. It was Fredo Corleone in the flesh, the man called Gonzo, or Alberto the fall guy, or Gonzales the delivery boy. It's bed time for Gonzo. President “Shrub” walked out onto the tarmac at the Waco airport at 10:50 am yesterday and announced,
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“This morning, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales announced he will leave the Department of Justice…It’s sad that we live in a time when a talented and honorable person like Alberto Gonzales is impeded from doing important work because his good name was dragged through the mud for political reasons.”
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And I was left to wonder if the little man pouting on the tarmac realized how cruelly he personally had treated Fredo, leaving him out the

re, in the words of that great political strategist Chuck Colson, “…to twist, slowly, slowly in the wind.” My, God, the Bushies can’t even kill out of kindness with competence! The last six months have been like watching Laurence of Arabia struggling to execute the hapless Gasim with shot after shot after shot. After which Prince Ali explains, “That that he killed was the man he brought out of the Nefud”, Auda replies, “Ah, it was written then. Better to have left him.” Or, as Herman Roth put it in “The Godfather II”;
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“There was this kid I grew up with – he was younger than me. Sorta looked up to me – you kn

ow. We did our first work together – worked our way out of the street. Things were good, we made the most of it….As much as anyone, I loved him – and trusted him….This was a great man – a man of vision and guts….Someone put a bullet through his eye. No one knows who gave the order – when I heard it, I wasn’t angry; I knew Moe – I knew he was head-strong, talking loud, saying stupid things. So when he turned up dead – I let it go. And I said to myself, this is the business we’ve chosen – I didn’t ask who gave the order – because it had nothing to do with business! “
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That should have been the statement from Shrub, and it should have been delivered weeks ago. Or, to quote another great political strategist;
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"Well used are those cruelties…that are carried out in a single stroke, done out of necessity to protect oneself, and are not continued but are instead co

nverted into the greatest possible benefits for the subjects. Badly used are those cruelties which, although being few at the outset, grow with the passing time instead of disappearing. Those who follow the first method can remedy their condition with God and with men...; the others cannot possibly survive." –
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The writer of that was Niccolo Machiavelli, proving yet again the old adage that those who do not study history are doomed to repeat it. Or as Fredo himself said, “Every time I put my line in the water I said a Hail Mary, and every time I said a Hail Mary I caught a fish.” Well, say a Hail Mary, Alberto. He was nominated on February 3, 2005 by the Republican controlled Senate by just 3 votes, with 60 yeas against 36 nays and four big “not voting” votes. And after that things went downhill for everybody.
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Alberto is the son of a migrant worker and the grandson of illegal immigrants, r

aised in a town called Humble, Texas. And Alberto humbly served Shrub the way Lennie serves George in “Of Mice and Men”. As Crook explains in that book, “…A guy needs somebody to be near him. A guy goes nuts if he ain’t got nobody. Don’t make no difference who the guy is, as long as he’s with you. I tell ya, I tell ya a guy gets too lonely an’ he gets sick.”
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I think we were all sick of Alberto by now. By the way, did you know that Alberto is yet another one of those twice married “in-defense-of-marriage” social conservatives?
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Yes, Shrub kept him around long enough so he became just another Washingt

on punch line. Jay Leno: “A new survey says that 58% of the people who follow the news think Attorney General Alberto Gonzales should resign. Of course, President Bush is not in that group.” Jon Stewart: “After weeks of mock testimony, there you have it.

Alberto Gonzales doesn’t know what happened, but he assures you, that what he doesn’t remember was handled properly.” David Letterman; “President Bush has big April Fool’s day plans. He’s going to call Alberto Gonzales and tell him he’s doing a heckuva job.” Stephan Cobert; “Some Republicans in Washington are looking for a replacement for Alberto Gonzales, but apparently

they need to find an experienced legal mind that President Bush is comfortable with. As a result, the number one candidate is Judge Judy.” And Jay Leno, again; “This whole administration is turning into a bad version of the “Wizard of Oz”. Cheney needs a heart, Gonzales needs some courage. Bush needs a brain”.
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I was happy to see Fredo get in the boat with the assassin, because I knew his end was going to come while he was saying a Hail Mary, and that wo

uld give him some peace. Michael, on the other hand, was doomed to suffer, living with his memories and being forced to appear in “The Godfather III”. As Fredo himself said a long time ago, “You never like to say no to the President, but you have to.” Except that Fredo never did. I guess he should have learned to “Just Say No”. Sing with me, Alberto.
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So long, farewell,
Auf Weidersehen, Goodnight,
I hate to go and leave this pretty sight.
So long, farewell,
Adieu, adieu to you and you and you.